Everything They Want

This post might fall a little into the judge not lest you be judged category so say it with me right now, won’t you please?  Different house.  Different rules.  Different family.  Different ideas.  Actually that different house, different rules is a good mantra to have as your kids get older.  It also helps keep the judging out of the forefront.  I do what works for my family and you do what works for yours and that works well for all of us.

Have you ever heard someone say how “they just want to give them everything they want” when talking about their children.  Ugh.  I must be an ogre because I absolutely do not want my children to get everything they want.  Do I want them to be happy?  Of course.  Do I want them to be content?  Again, of course.

Do I want them to have everything they want?  Nope.

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I actually would like them to experience a small bit of sorrow , failure, and missing out on occasion (even if it pains me to watch it).   I want them to know that they can exist without the latest greatest toys and gadgets even if ALL of their friends have them.  I want them to know how to wait.  I’m still struggling with that waiting and being patient thing as an adult so I know it won’t be easy for them.  I want to give them the tools to get everything they want as well as they tools to cope with it when they find out they probably aren’t going to get everything they want every time even when they do try to work hard.

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I want to give them everything they need not everything they want.   I want to teach them to be content with what they have and to appreciate what others in life do give them.  I want them to value integrity above winning.  I want them to value people over possessions.   I want them to know that who they are matters a whole lot more than what they own.

*I feel like I need to qualify this post by stating that I’m not one of those only give my kids things at their birthdays and Christmas kind of people (oh, to have that discipline!) and my boys have plenty of things (too many by my standards and not enough by theirs) and I probably say “yes” a lot more often than I say “no” so I’m far from perfect in always  following those ideals listed above.

**This post is part of the 31 Days of Putting My Family First Series.

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Everything They Want

  1. Beverly

    This is really difficult. I agree with your thinking of not giving too much. I do think having one child makes it harder NOT to give too much. I don’t have to add in my mind about how much it would cost to make it even for the other kids. We have gone back and forth. We have given our son stuff, make him work for stuff, and made him use his own money (gifts) but as a parent I do not think we ever feel we have the exact right proportions.

    Reply
    1. Jean Post author

      I think we’ve done all that as well over here as well. I think it is hard to get it just right since it is all about balance. By the way, it is next to impossible to make it even with 2 (or more) kids because they have different wants and needs…goes back to just keeping it all in balance. Of course, some things have to be even like the number of cookies I allow after dinner 😉

      Reply
  2. Elizabeth

    I actually was chastised the other day about this from a friend who thought I didn’t give my children enough but rather our family puts money other places. Instead of $150 new school outfits every year I patch and use hand-me-downs and my kids get to go on trips, be involved with clubs and other activities. Her kids may always have new clothes but they don’t get to be involved in as much so her saying that because I didn’t do that I was setting the children up for failure was very hurtful.
    We need to watch what we say about other people because while we think it is just observations sometimes it can just come across as hurtful and mean. You are very right when you say that mantra and it really needs to be something we all remember.
    Elizabeth recently posted..Busy Monday, October 21My Profile

    Reply
    1. Jean Post author

      I’m sorry to hear that. That’s actually a pet peeve of mine when people judge without knowing the full story. I find myself getting on my husband for that sometimes. I like to believe we are all doing the best we can for our families and what we value. I also think it’s good to know that some people actually show (and receive) love by giving and getting things (it is one of the 5 love languages after all) so even though I’m not a big stuff person, I do try to be respectful of people that like stuff. You are also very right about needing to watch that what we say about other people. Thanks for the input and your girls do go on some amazing trips!

      Reply

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