Help: No, I Don’t Need Any Help

Why is it so hard to ask for help?  Does anyone else struggle with this?  It’s as if I can’t get past this part of a certain song by the Beatles:

When I was younger

So much younger than today

I never needed anybody’s help in any way

But now those days are gone

And I’m not so self-assured

Now I find I’ve changed my mind

I’ve opened up the doors.

I’m sure you are singing along with the rest of the lyrics now.  My problem is that I may have opened up the doors but I’m still not sharing why or asking for what I need.

Asking can certainly be scary.

If the Help Desk Thinks...

image by Kyle James via Flickr

Most of my fears are pretty irrational.  Really, the worst thing that could happen is that I won’t get the help I am requesting.

Sometimes it’s hard to ask for help because we want things done our way exactly and no other way will do.  Dishwasher re-arrangers of the world unite!  However, it is okay to let someone else do things their way.  Done is still done.

Sometimes it is about the guilt.  I don’t feel it is fair to ask for assistance with a big project or mess that I made on my own.  While I usually don’t hesitate to help someone else out of a jam, I struggle to accept likewise help if I’m the one in need.

Sometimes it is about that foolish pride.  Okay, often it is about that stuff.  I don’t want to admit that I can not do it by myself.  I’m like a rebellious two-year old child “No!  I do it!”  Of course, the problem here is that I’m a few years older (indeed!) than two and I often need that help which my pride when my pride is refusing to do so much as ask for it.

What happens when we give into those irrational fears, quirks, and prideful feelings?  We end up with a mess of unfinished projects that often spiral out of control.  It would have been so much easier in the beginning to simply ask for help with a few of them.

Help me out and leave a comment letting me know if asking for assistance is hard for you as well.

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8 thoughts on “Help: No, I Don’t Need Any Help

  1. Sarah

    Mostly what I need help with is swallowing my pride and asking for help when I need it.

    Most people like to feel needed. When you don’t let them help, you’re depriving them of that opportunity.

    Benjamin Franklin said”He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.” He’s right. People you let help you like you better than people you help.

    I try to remember that.

  2. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me

    I definitely struggle with asking for assistance. I come from a long line of very strong and capable women. Somehow, in my mind, it always seemed like they never asked for help. That’s actually far from true. But that perception lingers. Asking for help sometimes nags at that little part of me that feels like it somehow means that I’ve failed if I can’t handle something alone. It’s nonsense, of course. It’s all just negative self talk. But still, we struggle with it. I love Sarah’s quote from Ben Franklin – he was a smart guy and I love his wit and wisdom. People really do like to feel needed and to help. I have found with a few people in my life lately that the more I ask them to help – whether I am really struggling with something or just want to include them – the relationship clicks so much better.
    All the reasons you’ve listed here are so real and so valid, Jean. We all go through them. Sometimes we just have to grit our teeth and let go a little!
    Lisa @ The Meaning of Me recently posted..Soup of the Week – Green SoupMy Profile

    1. Jean Post author

      I am like that as well. I think I should be able to handle things alone and have this (probably very wrong) that everyone else can do these things without help so why can’t I? It is hard to let go but it sure helps.

  3. Deanna

    Yep, nope, I don’t ask for help. Well, let me rephrase that – I do ask for help, rather I used to, but my husband often doesn’t see the point in what I need help with. He’s in a hurry to get back to his own thing, watching tv or on his tablet, or he’s completely taking over my project(s), and then staking claim to having thought them up and puffing his chest out that they are done by him. And honestly, often he chooses to change up the way it’s done, and the way it’s going to look in the final stage.

    If I knew someone locally likeminded, I would totally ask for help, but only if they were willing to first give me full control, and let me lead the way for a while prior to giving unasked for input. Does that make sense? Like I totally appreciate other people’s input, but not right off the bat – I need to see if my original ideas – ideas that I’ve spent a long time thinking about – are going to work.

    1. Jean Post author

      I have a hang up with people taking over my projects as well although that usually happens without me asking for help. It really is okay to let go sometimes though.

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